DO YOU FEEL TRAPPED AND WORRIED YOU CAN’T HANDLE THIS TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN?
This is not another list of “fun things to do with your kids”. I want to talk about what is going on with YOU.
I know how awful it feels to think you’re trapped at home with your children and that you won’t be able to handle it.
On the surface it seems as if your children are the problem; they are too loud, too demanding and their emotions are out of control. On top of that, you probably believe that it’s your job to control and entertain them all day. I know from experience that this can feel completely overwhelming.
I’d like to give you an unconventional way out of this frightening scenario – one that has worked for me and helped me to thrive through 15 years of home education with my two sons.
The solution I’m suggesting doesn’t involve tips for dealing with your children. It involves helping you deal with your own thoughts and feelings.
I’m inviting you to go deeper into yourself and to investigate what you are really afraid of.
What did I find within myself?
What I was most afraid of was my own feelings.
I was scared of fully feeling my emotions. I was trying not to feel scared, angry or frustrated around my children. I was trying not to cry openly. I was trying not to be loud and demanding.
The fact is, we’ve been conditioned to fear our own feelings. We’ve been taught to judge them as “bad” or “unacceptable” and to squash them down. We’ve been taught that our role as parents is to be in control of both our children and ourselves.
Because of this, many of us have forgotten how to express our feelings cleanly; in a way that doesn’t involve blaming and judging other people.
I invite you to question your beliefs about your feelings and your role as a parent. How do you feel when you try to hold in your feelings and “keep it all together”? Does it work for you in the long term? Or do you find yourself exploding at your children or imploding with the overwhelm of it all?
How would you be without those stressful thoughts?
How would you be if you let your feelings flow?
If you can’t remember what it’s like to feel your feelings freely, watch a young child. They cry, they scream and they grizzle – all without blaming or judging anybody. And then their emotions change and they move on, often quite quickly. They don’t experience lingering overwhelm or resentments because they live in the present.
How do you let your emotions flow?
I’ve been through the process of unlearning many of my beliefs and learning how to let my emotions flow cleanly. I know it can be confronting, even embarrassing at first.
I had to focus on NOT saying many of the things that I used to say when I was upset. Instead of yelling “I hate it when you fight like that!” at my children, I would simply say how I was feeling: “I feel really angry and upset right now” was enough.
If I needed to take some “time out” for myself to feel my feelings, I did it. Even if that meant closing the door on my children for a while.
I got used to feeling my feelings when I was with my children. They see me cry often and they have become quite used to it. They used to be scared that I would get angry and blame them for something. Now they notice that Mum is upset and they trust that it will pass soon.
Learning how to be at home with my children and with my own feelings has been liberating. Sure, it might look “messy” to outsiders, but who cares! Letting my feelings flow has taught me that there’s nothing to fear about my own feelings. It’s safe to feel them and to watch them pass, even if they are intense. It’s allowed me to relax and be much more present with my children. The less I try to be “in control” the calmer and happier I feel.
I invite you to try it and see how it works for you.
Are you ready to give your feelings the freedom they’ve always wanted?